He. Lied.

20 Jun

I’ll never hurt you
Then why did you throw me down the stairs.
“I’ll never cheat on you
Then why all those women?”
“I am not like other men”
No, you are worse.
“I love you”
He couldn’t even say if he ever did…  I was a “great time”

I have a sordid past.

I am ok with that.

A couple of years ago, I got an email that stopped me in my tracks.
I came face to face with a man I literally ran away from.
I left like a thief in the night.  I can remember it like it was yesterday.  Had I not left, I have no idea where I would be.  Maybe six feet under.

The day I went back into the house, to pack my bag, I remember going room by room…  Remembering every little bit of happiness and pain.  It was like a moving picture that was being played out in front of me. I looked at the wall he threw me against.  I leaned up against it and cried the saddest cry you ever heard.
I knew I was never coming back.

The night before he left to go be with the women he was cheating on me with, I begged him not to leave me.  I look back and that is my one regret…
Begging…
One of the last things he told me was…  “Where is your dignity?”
I will never forget it.  Best thing he ever said to me.

I packed my two bags and left…  Leaving behind a whole world of “stuff’  I rebuilt my life on two suit cases.

The email…

You might be thinking did I email back?

Yes…

His life…  Turned out to be crap.  Were he would chastise me about my weight, he had gained 300 pounds…
He “love” of his life left him..
The daughter I called my step-daughter turned out …  Wasn’t his…
He still has to pay child support…
He was wounded in war and was medically discharged from the Army, I knew just what that did to him.  Damn fine solider.  Just a low-life of a man…
Do I hate him?
No, I wouldn’t be half the women I am without him.
“Where’s your dignity?”
Best. Thing. Ever!

If you are in an abusive relationship.  You can get help.  Reach out.  Get out.  If I did it anybody can.  Trust me.  Your soul will thank you.

4 Responses to “He. Lied.”

  1. Jenny June 21, 2011 at 11:42 am #

    And if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you! That’s the purely selfish reason I’m glad you left ;-)

  2. My Inner Muse June 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    Oh trust me… I am better all the way around! ;-) But, most of all… I have you! ;-)

  3. Shannon F July 17, 2011 at 1:20 am #

    It is so hard to leave an abusive relationship but when you do a weight is lifted. I have always struggled with self esteem issues but after leaving him I began to realize my self worth unfortunately I didn’t totally figure out until after getting into a messed up situation with my ex-husband but I feel I am a better person for it now and much stronger

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