Looking Back ( Part II )

23 Dec

April Groves sent me a challenge: This is what I wrote so, looking back at this one should be really fun!!

My AH moment!
Current mood: complacent
Saturday, June 16, 2007

Ok April here you go!

For those of you who know me, know I almost lost one of my twins just days after I brought them home from the hospital. 
What I haven’t been truly honest with, is the deep depression, that incident put me in.  I am a mother, brought these two life’s into the world. 
I am SUPPOSED to be the protector, I FEEL I let Gabrial down.  I allowed myself to be n a constant state of worthlessness.  Notice I said I allowed myself to be in that state.  I didnt’ want to get up in the morning.  I stayed in my dark room. I only got up when, the babies cried.  I cried ALOT!
When I got to a point and I said enough is enough, I would get knocked down.  In life, in my marriage, in my finances.  One turn after another led to another dead end. 
My AH moment came, when I re-read some of my blogs.  ” I have never finished anything”  Well, that’s not TRUE!  I have!! 
I haven’t finished my degree but, I am a self educated women when it comes to my children’s disabilities! 
I am an activist and I am my children’s voice!  I speak for those that cannot speak for themselves!  OK I have that. 
I started to look around, what else do I have?  What else have I accomplished? 
My list is little but, that’s OK.  I have led a hard life.  But, I wouldn’t be the women I am today!  And I happen to like me!
OK, time to start making short term goals!  Attainable goals!  Goals I can reach! 

My other AH moment came when I was watching the Biggest Loser.  Ever see that show?  These people are so brave!  These men and women put themselves for display with VERY high weights for the world to see.  They do this knowing that we live in a society that, judges people by, how they look.  WOW! So, I got naked looked in the mirror and took a GOOD look at myself.  I do not like what I see.  I am depressed about it!  But, once again…  Who has control over that? ME!  This is ALL ABOUT ME!  So, here goes:

~I am going to finish my degree within four years.

~I am going to lose ALL my weight by the end of the year! And I am going to start running mini marathons

~I am going to take another infant CPR class through the heart association and see about becoming a trainer.

~I want to get something published.  I have alot of knowledge in this head of mine that I think could be useful to people who suffer from low self esteem!  I feel my no nonsense approach to life is just the kick in the behind that some people need!

~By the end of the year I want to get my real estate license

The Now Dolores:
OK so, not too bad. I am no longer depressed and I didn’t lose ALL my  weight like I wanted too but, that is OK…
I did not get my real estate license I pretty much chickened out after the market for houses started doing bad BUT, I did start my business So, NOT TO BAD!!  Once AGAIN… YAY ME!!!

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2 Responses to “Looking Back ( Part II )”

  1. FXSmom December 23, 2007 at 3:40 am #

    You have done a lot…Congrats!!! I’m impressed 🙂

  2. tophataffairs December 23, 2007 at 4:47 am #

    Nah… But, I am on the right track! 😀

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