Finally … We have come to a healing point!

14 Feb

Last year I almost lost one of my twins. 
I was nursing him and he stopped breathing… 
his heart stopped and, I had to preform CPR on him, it’s something a mother should never have to do!  
A traumatic expirence to say the least. 
Jason has never address the severity of the situation.  He always down played it I guess to help me cope with everything. 
Yesterday. 
We had a conversation about life and things.  And he said something along the lines of he, “couldn’t imagine ever losing a child, it’s bad enough we had to deal with ALMOST losing one of the twins last year.” 
My heart stopped.  I couldn’t say anything.  For almost a year now I have been waiting for Jason to acknowledge the severity of what happened last year.  And yes he was supportive especially during my post partum depression, he was awesome through everything but, he had never really said anything out-loud. I have been waiting for that,  that what we went through  was real  and that he understands that we DID almost lose our baby. 
It was a big step in my healing process. 
We went through some dark times,
First we had to deal with our son, he came home on a heart monitor we had to get use to all the sounds and beeps
Now add selp deprevation of  not just one baby TWO babies.  
Next we had somebody trying to sue us because, she wanted to be vendictive and she was having a hard time getting over the past( and I am not talking about some MONEY.. I am talking about thousands…)
A little dash of nervous energy with meeting my in-laws for the first time( which winded up being absolutely WONDERFUL)
Top it all off with… his ex wife decided she was going to make an appearance( not something I wanted to deal with)… 
It was one thing after another. 
In time everything I got over and forgave… 

If you have never dealt with:
1.  Losing or child 
2.  coming close to losing a child
Then you might think it’s silly to still be lamenting over what MIGHT have happened and not what DID happen. 
Yesterday. 
Jason helped me with a huge milestone and even though he made no more mention of what happened last year.  It was nice to get some kinda reassurance,  I am finally ready to live and learn and not look back,  I knew something was missing  and that was it.
One thing I can say…  As I hold and hug my baby.  I am so thankful that I knew what to do,  that I could preform CPR and that everything is  OK! 
I thank God every single day for putting breath back into my baby…  And even when he is crying and I am trying to get work done.  it doesn’t bother me because, this blog could be very different.  But it’s not and that is why I am thankful!
If you never experience the pain I went through that day then good for you. If you have, then please know you are not alone in your journey…

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2 Responses to “Finally … We have come to a healing point!”

  1. christygriner February 15, 2008 at 1:53 am #

    You are right. This blog COULD be different. I am so thankful you knew CPR, that night. And, I am glad Jason acknowledged it now. May you and your babies and hubby be blessed this Valentines Day!

  2. tophataffairs February 15, 2008 at 11:21 pm #

    Thank you!! I figured it was time to put on my big girl pants and really move on with things! WE have a very loveable fabulous Valentines Day!! Thank you!!

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