All The Colors Of the Rainbow- Will he ever fit in? Will I ever get it right??

19 Mar

Yesterday, I could tell that my son was a little on the sad side.  I asked him what was wrong?  He said, “that he had a sad day”. 
I asked him, “why”. 
He said, “Well first, K(his best friend) lied to him and told him he was playing star wars, when really he had snuck pokeamon cards( Pokeamon cards are NOT allowed at school and where in the HECK are the teachers to STOP this from going on?  Asleep on the job no doubt!!) to school and was trading them with another student. ”
Christopher asked K, “why he lied to him and he said that K called him a freak and that he needed to stop bothering him”. 
Sad thing is I know K’s mom VERY well…  My son doesn’t need to be made fun of!  He doesn’t need to be called a FREAK when he is NOT one.  Part of me really wants to pick up the phone and really have a talk with her, but, would I be making matters worse from my son? 
Then, he said that another “friend” of his told Christopher that he annoyed him and he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.  My heart sank. 
These are the things I want to protect my son from.  Can anybody tell me how?  Also, we( parents, school board) are tying to main stream “these” children like my Christopher but, what are the schools doing to help them be socially accepted??   Its bad enough teachers have so, much on their plate…  Then add putting special needs children to the mix and you get over worked stressed out teachers….  
Are we doing are children more harm by putting them in classes where they can be made fun of and ridiculed for being a little different?  I can teach the basics of social skills and I do!  It’s something I really work hard at.  I think for the most part I have done well…  But Autism isn’t all about developmental delays it’s also, about the lack of social skills and all you mommies out there that are raising children in the know what I am talking about!! It makes me sad to see my child upset because he is a little on the socially inept side. 

Here lately my son has been acting out.  He has become defiant. He has a hard time with no means no…  He will come up with some logical reasoning as to WHY no can mean yes.  And it leaves me with my mouth open( Can you say future lawyer?)
Where did I go wrong?  It has to be ME… 
Did I coddle him too much? Did I shelter him for too long?  What did I do wrong?  No means no!   Should I spank him?  Should I strip his room of everything?  Should I take away his Pokemon cards?
I can read all of the books I want to read and TRUST me everybody has a different position on Autism.  Does anybody has any sorta cookie cutter adive they can give me?  Give me anything short of doing the moon dance naked on the third Friday of an even month…( only cause I would scare the neighbors off…)
I am really feeling helpless when it comes to this.  I know how Christopher can be at home when I am here to guide him…  I can only imagine what goes on when he is out of my site.  ( Shakes Head…)  
My child deserves to be in the main stream classes.  We worked our ASS off for him to be in main stream classes.  But, at what expense?  His self esteem…??  Can any of you give me some sorta insight on how to repair that??
Discrimination comes in all forms. 
My heart is aching.  Can anybody tell me how to stop hurting for my child?


10 Responses to “All The Colors Of the Rainbow- Will he ever fit in? Will I ever get it right??”

  1. christygriner March 19, 2008 at 7:30 pm #

    i wish that i could help – my heart is with you

  2. Becky March 19, 2008 at 9:31 pm #

    I don’t have any really great suggestions other than to tell you that I have been there. My son goes to a private Montessori school and is doing really well there (as they tend to teach for the child’s level). He’s also on the Spectrum, so I know well of the struggles that he and you are facing.

    None of it is your fault. Kids can be cruel and they can be difficult.

    Please email me if you need some further encouragement. I know how hard it can be.

  3. Jenny March 19, 2008 at 10:56 pm #

    I forget, how old is your son?

  4. tophataffairs March 19, 2008 at 11:54 pm #

    Christy- Thank you! I am sure everything will work out in time… It just sucks right now!

  5. tophataffairs March 20, 2008 at 1:33 am #

    Becky-Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! 😀 Thank you for commenting on my blog!

  6. tophataffairs March 20, 2008 at 1:34 am #

    Jenny he is 8

  7. Jenny March 21, 2008 at 3:49 am #

    I’m definately no expert on children… but this stuff seems very normal to me. Think back… don’t you remember going through this crap? I know I do – as both the giver and the receiver.

    Seems you’ve raised a sweet, sensitive, self-aware boy. You said you’re at a bit of a loss about the K situation, whether you should call the mom or not. My gut says you shouldn’t call her; just give him some stratigies and the oppertunity to try to work it out for himself. Then intervene if he isn’t able to work it out. But, why listen to *my* gut? Why not ask Christopher what he thinks would be the best thing to do. I bet he’s got an answer for you.

    Being a kid sucks. I think being a mom probably sucks worse because *you* know this is just the beginning of the bumps and bruises he’s going to hve to endure. The thing to remember is most kids are tougher than they look, especially the ones who have people at home who love them as much as you and Jason do. Hang in there mamma.

  8. Autumn March 22, 2008 at 1:33 pm #

    Thanks for adding me to your blogroll!

    I know what you’re going through.. and I want one of those buttons! This is fairly normal for any kid to deal with- kids are mean, regardless. It can be over anything that they’re name calling or not wanting to be friends anymore. But when your child has special needs, getting him to understand is worse sometimes than what was said or done- it seems to cut deeper and faster.
    As for mainstreaming…. ahhh, I wish I could help. We’re trying that next year, and I’m already picturing the phone call telling me to come and get my son. Like the phone calls telling me that now, only with darker consequence.

    I would try explaining to him that sometimes people say things they don’t mean, and don’t think how much it hurts others. See if that works- but being the tiger of a mom I can be, I’d be on the phone with the mother. Mainstreaming or not, special needs kids don’t GET the way kids can be cruel. It just hurts them, and they don’t know what they’ve done.

  9. tophataffairs March 22, 2008 at 2:00 pm #

    Hi Autumn!

    Thank you for stoppping by and commenting! I hope its not your last! You totally hit the nail on the head! Yes it is a kid thing to be mean and cruel! It is a part of life and whereas, I see everybody’s point in that… It’s one thing to TRY and explain to MY child who’s brain is different then a “mainstream” child that CHILDREN are mean and cruel… He doesn’t get it!! Thank you! And you just inspired my next all the colors of the rainbow!

    Jenny- It is completely normal stuff! I am not going to intervene! I am going to just let things be… I love your input on my blogs!

  10. Someone June 18, 2008 at 6:58 am #

    I once heard that a parent told thier children that they are here on earth for a reason and the reason will always be loving for everyone. The reason is to be here on earth and to be whatever you prefer to be. It’s loving to choose what you love and It’s also understanding to experience unbenificial situations like death because there will always be a loving way to see them.
    And so they became (“grate”great)full and they felt free at last. I love you and that is all.

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