Biological vs Non-biological extended family…

23 Mar

Disclaimer:  I love ALL of my families…  They are wonderful…  I am a mommy that writes about her children and the struggles I have with being a blended family… 

A card came in the mail for the twins.  Christopher picked up the envelope and read it…  And asked, “Where’s mine and Victoria’ name?”  I explained to him that it was a card and who it came from… 
Then he asked, ” did any other cards come from ANYBODY else?” 
I said “no”…
He paused for a moment and said ” Where do I belong?” 
I sighed a REALLY big sigh, because we have had this conversation before and it always leads to really hurt feelings and eventually it is just one spiral effect. 

I sad him down and I said, “You belong here.”
He said, “OK.  Where do Blake and Gabrial belong?” 
I said,” they too belong here.” 
Then he asked, “Ok.  So, if they have have a grandmother where’s my grandmother??”
I had to kinda chuckle and, I said, “she lives HERE!”  At this point in time I saw the totally puzzled look on his face and he asked the king daddy question that I knew was coming.  ” Where’s my daddy?”  I said, “Here.”
He said NO!  And the tears came down my face. 
I had to explain to him the difference between a Daddy and a Father. 
I explained to him that Jason is what you call a step father.  He said he knew what that was.  And that his grandfather was also a daddy figure.  And that he was VERY lucky to have two daddies in his life.   That not all children were that lucky.  The tears came down his face and he asked me if he was ever going to belong??  
I told him he belongs RIGHT HERE!!  That everybody loved him! 
I explained to him, that it’s OK that the twins got a card in the mail, that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t loved and that things like that are going to happen but, and when they did,  it was OK, that he could always get a card in the mail from ME!!  ( he-he…) 
So, in the past two weeks, we have dealt with several different kinds of rejection.  Being a parent is tough!  I just wish they had an instruction manual and, when we have blended families we came with another one!  I am not upset by any means because, sometimes things just spawn up without being provoked.  Next time this happends I am going to hide the cards.  And make sure Christopher and Victoria don’t see.  And prevent hurt feelings all the way around. 

Quick Background.  Christopher’s Sperm Donor left us when he was in the NICU.   All he is a joke of a pay check that pays for some of the rent and groceries.  It’s a comical of an amount andhe is not even paying what he is supposed to be.  But, the ARMY( God Bless the Army and I do mean that…)  protects him and ALLOWS him to be a dead beat dad.  ( A topic for another blog I PROMISE…  Because I am sure y’all are screaming the BS card…)  Christopher nor Victoria has seen him since they have been infants, doesn’t take them on breaks, we don’t get a phone call or a card EVER….  They don’t even know who he is…  Andeven though we are dealing with his self-esteem.  I can say that is a small price to pay because they are better off not knowing who he is.  “Thank God for small miracles”


4 Responses to “Biological vs Non-biological extended family…”

  1. JaN IS March 24, 2008 at 6:12 pm #

    All families are blended, that is the irony of it all. Mommy and Dad are not kin, except by marriage. Aunts and Uncles have spouses who we call relatives who are not related to us. In our family if people come to birthday parties they recognize all the children. My parents routinely take my step children on overnight visits with my biological children. My family is full of step grand parents and step parents, it time we stopped minimizing the step parents and step children and embraced them like good human beings. No card for all the children? I’m not very tolerant of that, I’d ask the sender how they would have felt if they were a child and they were excluded, because it is a blatant form of exclusion. I wonder if you’ve experienced the stigma too of being a Mom who was married by is power marital demise considered a ‘single’ mom. Yyou know it is funny, single dad are adored but single Mom are depised.

    Step Mom

  2. FXSmom March 24, 2008 at 10:43 pm #

    I understand where you are coming from. We have four kids but two are mine and two are my husbands. We have none together. My daughters dad would be classified as the biggest a*^ of them all but he is the one who actually visits and calls. Which makes the other kids think “if he is such a loser then what is my other parent.” We get no child support for any of the 4 kids. NONE!! My husband didn’t ask for any. My son’s dad gave him up. My daughters dad won’t work so he doesn’t have to pay. It sucks but at least I have the best part of the deal…the kids :).

  3. tophataffairs March 25, 2008 at 1:07 pm #

    Jan- Thank you for your input! I have been a single mommy and have expirenced the stima that goes behind it. My husband embraced my children from the get go. He was quick to call them his own and he stepped up to the plate. What I am going to do is sit back and see what happends. I can say this is the second that has been sent and only the biological children got cards… It does make me sad. It makes me sad for the children. As I said we will see… Thank you for your input! I hope it’s not your last!!

  4. tophataffairs March 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm #

    FX mom- Thank you for stopping by! So, you totally understand were I am coming from! I am going to hate the day he “tries” and comes back inot thier lives… It stresses me out just to think about it! Sigh…

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