Just stuff… (This is my therapy)

11 Apr

The children had spring break this week, and as much as, I hate to admit this we haven’t done anything.  Not that we had big plans but, really we have hardly left the house. Only to play outside and stuff.  They have been so good because, they know I have been sad.  While I have been on the computer.  I have been stalking people’s blogs and several times a day I have laughed out loud and I have been touched by something that has been written…   It’s been really nice to peep into somebody else happy world even if it is for only a few short moments… I love the blogosphere. 

More things, These little memories make me smile…( Thoughts not really well thought of I am just writing…)

The twins birthday party is coming up and that is good something to look for but, on the same token, it’s my first last birthday…  I will never have another one of these…  And it’s making my heart sink just a little bit, really I do not want another child or children, I belong to the four kid club and really I think I have populated the earth enough!  Did I mention I have GREAT birth’in hips? Jason and I could have a buncha children if we wanted to. And I mean like 12, I mean we could have our own football team if we wanted …  Ha-Ha…  I am mentioning this because, the night before Gregory died I left this on his myspace page:

Apr 7 2008 8:26 PM

Hey if you are not busy on April 19thwe would love for you to come and celebrate the life of the twins with a birhtday party!!
It’s April 19th from 2:00 till whenever Happy Hour starts @ 4:00 I am having wine, martini’s and margartia’s if you want to drink something else you will need to
BYOB:-P hahahaha!! Oh and you have to dress in Tropical attire and be ready to do the limbo and the hula! HAHAHA

The twins met him…  Or moreover, He met the twins…
They came along to a couple of meetings, and they were so fascinated by this gental man and they would STARE at him and he thought they were staring at him because, they wanted some of his food.  ” Should I get them something?,  Look they are staring at me eat, let’s feed them…  I think they need to eat”  Ha-Ha…  Even as I write this my sadness is turned into joy…


Really have so much going on in my mind and this is therapy and really it’s not supposed to make any sense.  Just to me…

I have a Plethora of emotions going on…  And really, I don’t want to write about how sad …  That gets old.  Today I am better ,and Today is better then yesterday, and I am 100% better then what I was Wends.  So, it’s not like I am letting the sadness consume me.  It’s a fact of life.  DAMN if it’s not fair. 
I just feel like I should be DOING something.  I think I am going to go and bake something.  ( Yeah, sure, as if my already expanded hips needed anymore JUNK Ha-ha)  I really would like to go and get an ice cream  and birthday cake and eat it all up!  Or get a pint of Stone Cold Creamery ice cream But, once again it would totally defeat the purpose of Boot camp and roller blading (right?). 

And then some more…

So here I am with the window open looking at the flowers honey gave me(he’s good like that)… And smiling.  I think, I am doing Gregory more of a service that way then…  crying and eating myself into a BIGGER pant size right? 
I will always feel a sting when I see “his” empty chair at BNI and when we do replace his position that is going to hurt.  But, it only goes to show that life moves on… And in time the sting will fade, I will get through Monday( his memorial ) and then another networking event that he use to frequent.  And then, put him and this to rest.  Get my closure and when I do think of him it’s going to be to smile at his memory…  That is what he would have wanted. 

 I am going to fill up the boys pool and let the sun smile upon me…   Yeah,  That’s what I’ll do… 


One Response to “Just stuff… (This is my therapy)”

  1. theramblinghousewife April 14, 2008 at 2:17 am #

    Wow!! I hope the sun did smile on you! And I just gathered that you have twin one-year-olds???


    GOD BLESS YOU!!! 🙂

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