Gonna Spill the Beans…

6 May

Why is honey NOT allowed to help me name the kitten…

(taps fingers…) I have no idea were to begin.  Do I give you guys some information…  Even if I did that things may or may not come out right…  I guess, I will give you guys FACTS!  YES!  FACTS!

Let’s start with me..
1.  Married twice before
2.  Awful marriages!
3.  from 1999 till 2006 I was a serial dater but, not a bed hopper…  I was actually celibate from 2000 all way way till 2005( I know wrap your mind around that…)
4.   During that time I learned about ME…  What made ME tick…  What was I made of and I focused on being a mommy and a full time student…  When I met honey June of 05 I was REALLY to have a relationship just not with him…HA-HA
5.  I did not want my past to bleed into my future and I knew I wasn’t mentally capable of having a relationships with out issues getting in the way.  I needed to be happy with me FIRST!

OK those are some important facts about me..


1.  Was married twice before
2.  Was married to first wife for four years…
3.  Was with second wife for all in all seven years
4.  Second wife left him while he was at war…  Left him with a negative bank account moved herself and her children to FL with her best friend ( a man) but, never cheated (rolls eyes)…  When he got back all he came back to was a negative bank account( still ), an empty house and I think that was about it. 
5.  Got divorced in 04, and his second ex wife got re-married in 04 ( to the man she left to FL with, still no cheating guys!)…
6.  Even though things went down the way they did AND even though 2nd ex was re-married they kept in contact and had relations( Fill in your own blank)
7.  Husband of SW FORBIDS second wife from talking to honey…
8.  SW does things behind husband’s back…

We were trying to name the twins.  Honey came up with a name but, told me he would have to ask SW( second wife ) for his permission to use it because she had a dream about that name.  I promptly said HELL NO!  In the end he won and got the FIRST name…  Only because I liked it too!


1.  06- Honey had a huge problem with his Exes ( fiance’s, wife’s, girlfriends) calling his cell phone all hours of the night.  One week straight an his ex fiance called 1, 2, 3, 4 in the morning.. like flippin clock work. Did I mention? I was 4 months pregnant with TWINS!!!!!??  Yep I was pissed. 
2.  06-  I caught him sneaking around calling SW @ 11:00 when I thought he was finishing up stuff on the computer. from that point on…  I said IF he had to talk to her PLEASE make it BEFORE NINE!!!  I know I was stupid!  He said OK and HE said he told her…
3.  07- SW calls him @ 2:00am BEYOND pissed, i threaten divorce
4.  07- SW calls him @ 10:45 I punch a hole in the wall…
5.  07- I go and seek out a divorce lawyer I am serious people it was either his friendship with SW or our marriage…
6.  It really does have a happy ending!  😀


Get a phone call from Honey asking if it would be tacky to name his cat Cesar a cat YOU GUESSED it he had with Saint SW ( Yes I do call her Saint because STILL she can do no wrong…)

He is not allowed to name the kitty cat!  That is my cat, and I WILL not allow any part of HIS past to come into my FUTURE!!  Does that make sense?? Or am I being dramatic!!???
  And still Honey see’s NO wrong naming a cat he had with SSW…  He said it has nothing to do with SSW it has everything to do with the cat!  YES, a cat he had with SSW. 
Why are men so clueless??  Sorry male readers some of y’alls gender is just damn clueless!  Clueless and everything I still have a wonderul husband!  He is the cat’s meow even if he does’t get it!  ( ha Ha)

So, my question for you is…  Have you ever had your past bleed into your future so bad that it effects your every day life?  And if you did…  How did you deal? 


8 Responses to “Gonna Spill the Beans…”

  1. Chris Austria May 6, 2008 at 4:53 pm #

    The past will always bleed into the future. Here’s what makes me scratch my head. Why does he constantly do things that he knows will make you upset. Even if everything is done in the past and that no malice is being done, he still needs to be at least considerate. Just a thought.

  2. PJ May 6, 2008 at 5:08 pm #

    I actually had a male friend ask me one time if a future girlfriend would want rings he had bought for his ex (a wedding set). I said HELL NO. Why do guys not even get that?

    It would be different if it was a child hood pet and he wanted to re-use the name, and I could even understand a male making the suggestion (just from experience). But. After you say no (for whatever reason, but especially because of the long list of bad history), that should be the end of it.

    My son’s/dog’s name is Cesar. And my in-law’s pet cat is Julius. I like those names. But if I had a future relationship, I wouldn’t use either of those names for a pet with someone else!!!!! Even if one of your kids came to you and said, cool, I like this name, can we use it, and you pose it to him and he said, when I hear that name I think of …. whatever …. then you should still x the name. Even if it didn’t come from him. So it’s not so much about him naming the cat and having input, but about him living in the here and now and making sure there isn’t ANYTHING on a daily basis that would remind him of previous crap.

    IMHO. As all my opinions are humble. Love you.

  3. tophataffairs May 6, 2008 at 5:19 pm #

    @ chris- We have talked about this tillI I am blue in the face. I dont’ know why he doesnt’ get it. Even though at present they have no more contact with each other. ( My trip to the lawyers office really did the trick and the hole in the bathroom is a constant reminder of my VERY bad temper.) I just really feel like their is always something! I try and just say whatever it’s him but, sometimes like with the naming of the kitten… I put my foot down and really let him know how I feel about situations and really that is all I can do! One day I have faith he will get it!!

    @ PJ Your input is always welcome! No mater how right or wrong you think it is! That is why we are friends! 😀 Cause you ROCK!!

  4. Jenny May 6, 2008 at 6:09 pm #

    So does that mean I can’t win? 😛 From how you described him the kitty doesn’t really sound like a Cesar. He’s too fuzzy to be a bowl of romaine lettuce tossed with a creamy dressing and croutons.

    Why doesn’t he get it? Well, my theory is he’s operating on face value rather than thinking through the implications. Something along the lines of… This is a cool cat. Cesar is a cool name. We should call the cat Cesar.

    Still working on my list…

  5. theramblinghousewife May 6, 2008 at 8:25 pm #

    YOU, name the cat! For sure, you name the cat! 🙂

  6. christygriner May 6, 2008 at 8:36 pm #

    Kit (like in cat)
    I will keep brainstorming…

  7. PJ May 7, 2008 at 12:24 pm #

    I second Chester and Kit Kat (especially if you used to watch Charmed, Kit was their “friendly” cat’s name)!

    When you start narrowing it down (how long is this cat going w/o a name?) you should post a poll of the tops names. 😛

  8. FXSmom May 7, 2008 at 4:01 pm #

    The biggest part of the past that bleeds into my marriage is trust. My husband was also married twice before. They spent his money on frivolous things and they slept around on him. In turn he never trusts me. I finally had to realize that I would never gain his trust. All I could do was show him that I am not like his exes. He would have to get over it on his own. I just be me. As long as I know in my heart that I am faithful in all ways then I’m okay. The rest is on him. I think he has gotten the hint and he does try hard to trust me and realize that I’m not his exes. But sometimes I do still feel punished by their mistakes.

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