Archive | June, 2010

As I pass on the baton…

22 Jun

I left off running season finishing my 8th 5k, I am now training for a 10K…  Here are some of “words of wisdom” I would like to pass on… 

1.  Please to go a shoe store  and invest in a good pair of running shoes (You’re welcome)

2.  You will be nervous.  Make sure you locate a porta-potty!

3.  Steak is a bad choice for protein(on race day Ha Ha – just trust me on this!).

6.  Wick-a-way clothing is FABULOUS!!  (again you’re welcome)

7.  All you need is smart water…  TRUST ME ON THIS! 

8.  In time you develop you own routine for pre-race routine…  Don’t worry!

9.  Black Eyed Pea’s I’ve gotta Feeling fabulous song to warm up too!

10.  Drowning Pool Bodies ( he he) amazing song in the middle of the 5k when you think you are losing steam.. it will rev you up… Think about all those ex’s you’d love to beat down!!

11. INJURY!?  WHAT INJURY!  Run/walk through it…  it’s only a 5k. ( haha) JOKE!!!! 

12.  Socks are important…  my faves are Zulu… (you’re welcome)

13,  It’s NOT only a 5k, CONGRATS!! 

14.  Bear in mind 3 miles is a lot longer then it seems…  the people cheering you on, will give you the wings you need in your shoes to carry you through!  And last  .2 are hell give it all you got! 

15.   Seconds will mean the world to you! 

16.  Start hydrating two days before a race.

17.  When you see the finish line, GO!!! RUN LIKE HELL!! 

18.  Chipped races ROCK!  (you’ll see what I mean)

19.  I can’t does not exist YOU CAN!!

20.  I still don’t run an entire 5k…  don’t beat yourself up for walking! 

21.  I prefer morning races…  You might prefer races in the afternoon?  Try one of each! 

22.  Please be safe when you run and invest in a Road ID

Congrats!  You’re on your way!

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I’ll take 1,000 more ear flickings!!

21 Jun

 Nov 5, 2010… 
Pulmonary Emboli wanted to take my life… Well, they didn’t! And those two weeks when I was in the hospital I promised myself never ever ever again would I abuse my body!!  I promised, I would be fit and make good food choices, and I would take care of it.  I prayed Dear God LET ME LIVE!!  And…  He did!

I got the clearance to start exercising in Jan 2010. 
I called personal trainer Jillian Rowe from Richmond Hill, GA and, we started…  I haven’t looked back and I haven’t stopped… 
This wasn’t about me getting skinny right away… No, this is about becoming fit and changing my lifestyle. 
I’ll let the pictures speak for themself…

 
Remember ONE thing if you are a weight loss journey “Pain is only temporary, quitting last’s forever!!” 
Never give up!!  

What’s 40 more pounds right? 

Love you guys who have been supportive through this… 

I thought I was healing(theme song Thurs)

7 Jun


I suffer from PTSD.  Long story short when I was nursing my youngest  premie son, just days after he got out the hospital, his heart stopped and his he stopped breathing, he was blue… He was dead ( basically ).  And I had to perform CPR..  It was one of the most traumatic things I have ever had to go through…  

I thought I was recovering from it. 

Until this past weekend. We went to Alabama and their’s a new addition to the family…  I kept away from the  baby, it cried, somebody else picked it up I cringed, not because the crying baby bothered me, I just didn’t want to be around the baby, the baby was cute, as cute as cute can be, but, I didn’t get the warm fuzzies, I didn’t get that awwww feeling… I just wanted to be as far away from the baby as I could.  Don’t get me wrong, I like babies…  I just don’t want anything to do with them! 

I have four kids… I love my children with every fiber of my being… I would lay my give my life for my children… I just can’t see another baby and get the warm fuzzies… I have to “pretend…”

I’m broken this isn’t natural for a women…  Something is wrong with me!  Husband says it’s part of my PTSD I haven’t unlocked yet.  Maybe?  Should I go back to counseling or should I just avoid the germ suckers altogether? 
How do I fix this???

I should have wanted to pick up the baby and smother it with kisses
I should have wanted to just love on that baby and take in the new baby smell…
I should have wanted to help that new mommy as much as I could. 

I couldn’t.  I just froze.  Annoyed even.  I just wanted to crawl into a hole and just RUN away from the baby as fast as, my short lil stubby legs could take me. 

What’s wrong with me?  I’m broken. 
Now, I see a pregnant women, I think WHAT a beautiful women…  carrying a life.  It’s just the aftermath that I can’t deal with… BABIES…

When I see a baby…  All I can think about is my blue lifeless limp baby in my arms…  dangling there…  I did two rounds of CPR and nothing…  A neighbor breathed life into my infant, and for the life of me I can’t remember. I can’t remember May-Aug…
I got up in the morning fed the babies and lived…
I can’t remember anything else… 

Hi I’m Dolores
I don’t want to hold your baby… 
I don’t want to feed your baby, or change its diaper… 
I’m sorry… I’m broken… 
And I don’t know how to fix me!  If anybody can help me…. 
I’m bitter and I’m still angry for many many reasons…

Sigh…  I’m a mess… Here’s my song… I’m willing to take words of wisdom for my semi confused and broken heart!

Too Much To lose this time!!! Right?

3 Jun

Once again, I find myself “broken” My shoulder did something crazy, I woke up last Monday and could not move it…    My shoulder hurt so bad I thought I was having a heart attack.  I went to the DR.  And he said I have something called Frozen Shoulder,  now my shoulders dislocates…  I am going in again!!

I had to watch  my husband run the Cotton Row Run 10k and it sucked!  I was really proud of him, inside I was dying…  In my life when I set out to do something GREAT with my life, I hit these snags, always happens.  I feel like I am only one.  Whereas, other people…. Just slide into their lives.. BAM!  I have to fight.  I think I’ve said this before… I’m a quitter.  I get discouraged and I’m done… 

Guess What? 

Not this time.  I made a deal with somebody VERY important… And I can’t go back on that deal… (or else) 
  I’ve taken a little time off of training.  Not exercising.  Just training… 
I stepped on the scale the other day, and it said…  199 – I died…  AFTER months and months of training of the scale SLOWLY teasing me…  If you notice I didn’t post any great blog or, even post it on my Facebook…  Somehow, it didn’t feel real, I kinda felt like a fraud, It wasnt  done in the middle when I was training hard… or anything I felt really disappointed I just walked away from the scale.  I didn’t text a ton of people…  Nothing!

  Having an eating a disorder takes over your more than you imagine…  I don’t have the urge to binge, or take a laxative so, yay for a small victory (right) but, it would be nice to just EAT whatever I want…  to celebrate. and not have to worry about seeing 200 again…  
That is my deal… Once I get further and further away from 200 I will feel better, when I hit 190, then I will celebrate-SAFELY 

I will continue to do this! 
Cheers to another 50 pounds!!!!