Too Much To lose this time!!! Right?

3 Jun

Once again, I find myself “broken” My shoulder did something crazy, I woke up last Monday and could not move it…    My shoulder hurt so bad I thought I was having a heart attack.  I went to the DR.  And he said I have something called Frozen Shoulder,  now my shoulders dislocates…  I am going in again!!

I had to watch  my husband run the Cotton Row Run 10k and it sucked!  I was really proud of him, inside I was dying…  In my life when I set out to do something GREAT with my life, I hit these snags, always happens.  I feel like I am only one.  Whereas, other people…. Just slide into their lives.. BAM!  I have to fight.  I think I’ve said this before… I’m a quitter.  I get discouraged and I’m done… 

Guess What? 

Not this time.  I made a deal with somebody VERY important… And I can’t go back on that deal… (or else) 
  I’ve taken a little time off of training.  Not exercising.  Just training… 
I stepped on the scale the other day, and it said…  199 – I died…  AFTER months and months of training of the scale SLOWLY teasing me…  If you notice I didn’t post any great blog or, even post it on my Facebook…  Somehow, it didn’t feel real, I kinda felt like a fraud, It wasnt  done in the middle when I was training hard… or anything I felt really disappointed I just walked away from the scale.  I didn’t text a ton of people…  Nothing!

  Having an eating a disorder takes over your more than you imagine…  I don’t have the urge to binge, or take a laxative so, yay for a small victory (right) but, it would be nice to just EAT whatever I want…  to celebrate. and not have to worry about seeing 200 again…  
That is my deal… Once I get further and further away from 200 I will feel better, when I hit 190, then I will celebrate-SAFELY 

I will continue to do this! 
Cheers to another 50 pounds!!!!

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2 Responses to “Too Much To lose this time!!! Right?”

  1. Jenny June 3, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

    I have yet to meet anyone with a live worth living that simply slides through life. Their fights may be different than yours, but they have to fight just the same.

    Being under 200 was a goal for you and you made it. That deserves celebration. However, it *is* possible to seperate food from celebration. Go get a pedicure, go to the movies with a friend, get your hair done, buy a dress that makes you feel pretty, go dancing (when your shoulder’s better). There’s no reason your celebration has to undermine your progress. So get out and celebrate damn it!

  2. Shannon June 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm #

    Jenny is right there is tons of ways to celebrate besides food. You reached another mile stone so allow yourself to be happy. You know I know how you are feeling because I have had my share of struggles and disappointments but we are fighters. I love you lots

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