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Absolutely Humbled!! (Girls on the Run 5/15/2010)

16 May

Today started like any other Sat.  since I started doing 5k’s ( Feb 14th, 2010 Love Run)  Today I had the “internal struggle…” ( as usual)   515 am… 
BOO!  Even.. 
Trust me.. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I would have rather been sleeping( come on it’s a Sat. I’d rather be sleeping, and about to go and abuse my body  *excuse me* race..
If you read my blog here you’ll see my pre-race routine it doesn’t change.
Honey and I get to Savannah State for the Girls on the Run 5K
It’s Chaos!  BOO!
Not to mention they run out of Pins!  UGH!  So, I can’t pin my race # on…  I am sooo bummed..!  I feel cheated!  I come up with something creative! I have to tuck my # in my skirt(a hot pink running one YAY) (still pissed…) 

They called “it” – And by “it”- I mean … ( line-up )
I put my head phones on..  get my warm up music on…
Put on Run Keeper…(By the way Run Keeper- you are no longer my friend!!! I found out about 1/2 that the GPS didn’t get the location.. BOO)
Runners On Your Mark…  GO!
Off I went…
And my body starts hurting!  
All I can think about is:  I just want to get to the finish line!
That’s my goal..
My breathing(check) Stride (widen a little, D tilt your hips… There you go that *feels* better…And open your hands… YES!  CHECK) Music(check) 
This race NO Timers, No mile markers( so, I take back what I said about mile markers!  I LOVE mile markers!!)

I get caught up with somebody who I had seen at last weekend’s race and I asked ” does this course seem longer to you?”
She said “YES”
I don’t know why this course just seemed to go on forever!!  Maybe it was the inclines?  Maybe it was because, I was thinking about the apple juice that I drank… When I knew better?  I don’t know?  But WOW…  Talk about pain!

Finally!   Water station…
I’m parched…(I crammed hydration… BOO ME) 
I don’t drink the entire glass enough to get my mouth wet…  HEAVEN!  

I have NO idea how much further I have to go… (again no mile markers… I miss those)
But, my body is streaming AT ME… PLEASE STOP!  My brain is saying… NO!! GO D!
Look at you! 
It’s an internal struggle! 
I want to quit!  But, I don’t I move.. 
I keep moving that’s it… that’s all I have to do it move right??  MOVE!   That’s it!  I take off again!  My body just wants to give out!  BUT my mind…  Is telling me that’s it girl… DO IT…

Then I see… WTOC… Documenting my pain.. AND you know what I want to do? 
Give them the finger!  Yep! 
I know classy right?  I feel as though they are mocking me… HAHA!
I smile and wave! 
(internally I give them the finger!  It was my private up your’s HAHA)

Finally I see it the Stadium!  And then I see them!  
The smiling faces!   That’s them my twins, my husband! 
And they run in with me… GO MOMMA GO!  
Run in HARD! 
I see the finish line.. all I can think is… DEAR GOD.. “Give me wings… 
All I want is to finish…  This God-forsaken-longest-5k-of-my-life!!!”  And I hear,  “And here is another runner for a hard finish…” MUSIC to my ears!!! 

Now I hardly ever stick around for the closing ceremonies! 
No point I never win anything…(It’s really just me wanting to sit in my van a have the air blow on my face and if I have to throw up I’d kinda like to do it in private then, in front of a good bit of people… I’d rather keep my dignity like that!)
But, Honey is a fantastic runner… So, we have been lately… on the off-chance he places… Because he is that good!  And here is another thing I didn’t know… they give out-door prizes… So, I am going to start sticking around!  

At this 5K  door prizes(YAY)- I am so sure I am not going to win anything I take off my shoes!  HMMM..   Guess what?  I won a door prize!  A swatch watch!  HAHA awesome!

Then they start calling off winners for the age groups!  I told Honey we needed to stick around, I had a feeling he was going to place…  He said NO WAY! 
Sure enough 1st place in his age group!  
Then they called- My age group second place Dolores S. I yelled, “WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
  And sure enough here walks up Honey with my pendant!  I was floored! 
Still am!  I really cannot believe that ME snail moving ME… 
I could say 1000000000000 reasons WHY I probably  did…:
1. They did not have  enough participants in my age group 
2.  They saw me crying at the end and felt bad for me! 
3. WTOC was mind reader and, KNEW I was giving them the bird and, said hey give that girl a pendant just for having heart OK… And she also gave us the mental bird!! 
 Whatever the case is… 
This is my 7th or 8th 5K I earned that pendant! 

I will wear it everyday to remind me that ANYTHING is possible…  Because, I have that internal struggle every single damn day!  Days that I just don’t want to work out…  Days that I want to eat chips (MY WEAKNESS) and things that are not good for me!  But, I now have a reminder!  Something tangible that I can see and touch! I’ve gone from a size 22 to a size 16  and that is something I can see and that is VERY rewarding but, this, this is very, different!  This is something I can wear around me neck and think ” I did this…”
I get up at 5:15 on Saturdays and DO SOMETHING because, it makes me feel good! 
Because, it makes me feel good in my jeans ( that don’t fit).
Because, it makes me feel good to drop *those* clothes off at the Goodwill.
Because it makes my trainer proud… 
BECAUSE I WILL INSPIRE, somebody to         do something , about their lifestyle that I was living a year ago…!! 

So,  if DOLORES can DO IT ANYBODY CAN!  Take that to the bank… Get off the couch and I will SEE YOU AT THE NEXT 5K RIGHT!?!?


So far, So fabulous!! ( Part I )

8 Feb

January, proved awesome!  I am blood clot free(yipee)
Was diagnosed with- pseudo Tumor cerebri/vertigo… ( AKA -HELL) the meds are working… 

I have hired a personal trainer ( MAD Props to Jillian  of Richmond Hill GA she rocks!), I am doing Weight Watcher- my well-being  has improved
The Doc’s, they put me on this little pill called Topamax…  in which I am now maxed out on this nice little slice of mini hell… IT’s not that BAD but, damn that month I was getting use to it, yeah I can’t remember half of it… I look in my twitter feed and I think to myself “man I hope I didn’t say anything STUPID”  It’s like 1000+
Well, They have me maxed- out on Topamax aka- moodymax or as a friend’s friend likes to call it dopeamax-side effects- bitchyness, outspoken-ness, it has given me a crude at times sense of humor , forgetful-ness, and STUPID-ness!  I think it alters my personality too (no filter)…
So, I can either suffer from migraines and vertigo or I can have the named side effects…
 Up side….?  I’m so not hungry…  sweets… forget about it…  blah…  cake?… blah..  ice cream?  blah…   However my liking to chips…  Has become a serious Love-Love relationship, Go figure on that one! 

My ovarian cyst…  Did not go away.  So, I guess we will see! Positive thinking!

So far so, fabulous!  Already this year is turning out  better than last year soooo… And its only Feb.  Can’t wait to see how this all unfolds! 

YAY!  to fabulous-ness BOO to stupid cysts!  Will keep you updated on my weight-loss, the stuff say when I am on the “max” and other things!

Im back!!

5 Feb

I got my computer back!  The twins DESTROYED my keyboard, I don’t mean just took a key off here or there.. No I mean they destroyed it.  It took four months to get my computer back from Radio Shack.  DONT EVER buy a computer from them!  No matter how cool the sale is on Black Friday!! 

BOO Radio Shack!!

Things I wish I could say… But, can’t…

2 Jan

Things you wish you could tell somebody but, can’t… It’s very free-ing you should try it!!

1. You might have lost a good bit of weight but, really you cannot wear a two piece , or anything showing your belly its gross… you are not 21 any more… and you don’t have a body of a 21-year-old… Sorry to say but, you most likely never will, PLEASE cover up, or get better/honest friends that will not allow you to go out in public in a two piece. or anything tight or anything that shows your belly..

2. Not all the plastic surgery in the world can make you beautiful… It has to come from within… And you have a VERY UGLY HEART!!!

3. You are a psychosomatic insane sick person… YOU are not sick you are just sick in the head!…

4. Face it he will never love you like her loved her..

5. Please stop begging for stuff, it takes away from your accomplishments, how does it feel that you have begged for half of the stuff you have earned… Earn something on your own… It will make you feel better…

6. You sense of entitlement is very annoying… Nobody owes you anything…

7. I’m sorry YOU couldn’t break the cycle with your daughter, maybe she might break the cycle with her children…

8. Stop biting the hand that feeds you!!!

9. He’s just not that into you…(yes I had to put that one)

10. Eventually everybody is going to see right through you, I think that is what you are afraid of… And you should be!!

11. Dump her already or stop complaining about it… I am sick of hearing about it!

12. Don’t you think if he wanted to work things out he would have done so. He doesn’t want to get back together! Trust me! You are better off!!

13. Yes, your daughter has an alternative lifestyle we all know it… Just face it, be honest so, we can stop talking about it behind your back! Be proud of what she has done…. Who she loves doesn’t make her what she is! it’s what is inside!!

14, I am glad you are not over me or your other women… Maybe this go around you will make things right by her..

15, I hate that you are not open-minded!!

16. Even though I shouldnt’ put this one- But, I hope your husband puts you through everything you put me through this year… You knew it was wrong …

17 You’re a much nicer person when you are not drinking AND I don’t need your lectures…

I think that is it! I am sure that you have things you wish you could just get off your chest.. I did one before but, I am too lazy to try to find it!

Good Bye Craptastic- Hello Fabulous!! (Year In Review)

1 Jan

Crapstastic year in review cliff notes version…

Threw out back and to include pulling ligaments in hips

Emergency Hernia Repair
Ruptured ovarian cyst

Husband lost full-time National Gaurd Active Duty Job
Recovering from surgery and sick

Honey filies for unemployment
Still sick
Accountant confessed to us- she put our money in the wrong account and that she was working to get our money back…
The Good-
Savannah 1st Annual Race for the Cure was a complete success… Congrats Komen! Y’all did a fabulous job and it’s something to be proud of, I know I am!!!

Still unemployed, still sucking, still waiting for our money
Still waiting for unemployment check
I was sick for the ENTIRE month!! ( No kidding)

I am still sick
Niece accidentally finds inappropriate text messages and “pictures” from Sarah Hoppe his friendly College Advisor
Honey FINALLY gets unemployment check because the State is THAT backed up with people filing
Ended a friendship with the most spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate person I have EVER met and I met Satan so she is pretty bad!!

The Good ( Finally)
Got to meet my awesome niece and nephew for the first time ( I didn’t even know they existed…) the month was fabulous and, we had the best time the BEST month of the year!!!
Still waiting for out money..

I am still sick
My husband takes back neice and nephew to Michigan and makes plans to meet his college advisor(Ashford College-Sarah Hoppe while he is up in ( even though she is married)
Honey still unemployed(
We start getting behind on bills savings is running out
Filed for food stamps
Still waiting on income tax money that accountant said she was getting for us…
The Good
Satan got us tickets to Disney ( 5 days passes to all the parks) and hotel – Boy did that come back and bite us in the ass… Lesson learned nothing in this life is for free! None the less we had a great time and the kids had a wonderful time!!

Still sick
Still unemployed
Was approved for food stamps
Did an IRS investigation and come to find out shady stuff happened to our INCOME TAX basically it was stolen…

Still very sick…
Landlords had a buyer to sell the house and we have untill the Oct 31 to get out…
GREAT NEWS!!! Honey got Full time National Gaurd Active Duty… (Job security for three years)
Husband leaves for Atlanta Sept 30th
Satan allows her to live with her family, which turns into a less than desirable situation to include her… lying about having stage four cervical cancer.. All this time, BOTH honey and I remain supportive friends, Honey even goes to the ER with her during toa couple of her  daily visits…
Still waiting on Income Tax

Sammy(our Samoyed) died of a heart attack
I had to put my letter of intent to Komen for resignation which broke my heart and I miss them SOOO much my heart still hurts!!!
Still waiting on Income Tax
Oct 28th I have a partial hysterectomy, I have complications, I came home with a foley bag and I have to leave it in for 14 days… I am miserable…
Satan’s husband seems to think Honey and her are going to “do something”… Which I can honestly say… was NOT going to happen…
While my husband is up in ATL he makes plans to meet Sarah Hoppe ( the same one in July) which puts a HUGE strain on our marriage BUT, since I am going into surgery I cannot go into surgery with negative thoughts, so this has to be tabled…
Satan kicks husband out because I hurt her feelings…
The Good
Husband now lives in the barracks (YAY)!!!

Still waiting on our income taxes( we have people working on this…)
Nov 5 go in to the hospital for shortness of breath and they find PE(s) in all of my lobes- I was told had I not gone in when I did I would have been dead by the weekend!
I bleed out through my stitches and they gave me 2 pints of blood
This is what I call my own personal HELL!!!

Still waiting on income taxes
Weekly Dr’s visits
Brother left for Afghanistan he is (special ops)
I have swelling of the brain (WE were getting to the bottom of this!)
In the Hospital a day before New Years ( but I got out )
I now I have a TON of meds I have to take, and I have a buncha of Dr’s I have to see but, I am alive…

All in all, it was a shitty year! (Yeah I cussed… I did… ) No other way to put it.
What I did learn from this year that I have a wonderful support system and I have the best friends a gal could ask for!! Even those I didn’t know would pray for me and give me support did…. My husband did misbehave BUT he did save my life, I do have a TON to be thankful for.. I think saving somebody’s life trumps misbehaving especially since it was mine. As for Sarah… I hope she finds the happiness and horniness she wants… Just not with my husband!

Other things I can smile about…
I have a roof over my head… Food on the table and I had an awesome Christmas!!!
On a funny note:
I am no longer being called an “adulteress“((Can you really be called an “adulteress even if your not married? Even though when I was accused of the dirty deed I was going through cervical treatments… Trust me I was not playing hide the pickle, not to mention recovering from a pin stroke… ) – She has other things to take her attention away -HAHAHAHA At least I can laugh about it now! IT was very upsetting at one point in time! I’d acutally love a public apology telling everybody that she lied but, I know Iwill never get it… One can dream right??
Honey has a steady stable job, my health is getting back on track and I am joining Weight Watchers right after I hit publish! I am going to be healthy and HOT!! I have four healthy beautiful children… And even though this is the WORST year EVER and I mean it! I really do have a great deal to be thankful for!!!!

I am hoping that the humbling I got this year doesn’t leave me and I never forget anything I have been through… When you are staring death in the face it kinda does something to you! I want to be a better, happier person.. I will always be me but, I am hoping that the lessons I have learned have made me wiser and stronger… If you can go through what I have been, trust me you can get through anything!!

Happy 2010 CHEERS!!!

Once it’s said…

4 Dec

You can’t take it back!! 

Ok I know I said I was going to do a follow-up blog on my last post but, all this Tiger Woods stuff has me thinking about “life”…   

Have you ever been intoxicated, and / or acted on impulse(BAD  very very BAD!!)… Then hopped on –  myspace, facebook’d, or Twitter’d…  And just put your business “out-there” and then regretted it?

  I have…  I am totally guilty!   Ugh. 

Not some of my finer moments… 

Always remember this…  Somebody is always watching your blog, MySpace’d,twitter page, and /or Facebook’d!  Everybody is reading your thoughts-  You will have a couple of stalkers!  ( ex’s are always GREAT for that so, are frenimes( ex friends) and people who just don’t like you!!!) 
Let’s not forget –  Friends of friends, family, you name it will get read …  Even if you only have it up for a couple of seconds…  It will get read!

So if your intoxicated…  Put the phone down…  Don’t get on the computer!!
If you have a tendency to be an “emotional” poster” then before you post…  Call a friend…  Go for a walk…  Do anything but POST!  Think about it and the repercussions it could have in the very end! 
Listen…  Take if from somebody who…  is an emotional poster…! 
Be the better person!  You will feel better if you just take the high road in the end…  What ever it is will pass…  Tomorrow is another day…  and yes you will get through whatever drama is happening!  Trust me on this!! 

Just be the better person!  Take it from somebody that has been on both sides of the coin..  I can look at myself in the mirror with dignity if I just keep my BIG mouth shut!


2 Dec

Tis the Season of good deeds!!   What good deeds have you done lately??  Do you give to the bell ringers?  Do they annoy you?? 
Do you have a family traditions of doing a good deed? 
During these hard economic times are you still going to give as generously as you may have in the past…?? 
If you still plan on giving and are on a tight budget do you have any suggestions to somebody who does want to still help somebody out??

Blog is short and sweet!  But, it will have a follow-up blog tomorrow!   Even if I don’t get any comments!!  I have a couple of things to say about “giving” and random acts of kindness!! 

See y’all tomorrow!